I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
