you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My balls are so social today.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I touched a dick in church today
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
