so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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