You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
