you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
