very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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