You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
