I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
how drunk are you?
Several
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
