Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
