Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
