I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize