at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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