She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
