Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You can't special order awesome
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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