Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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