Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
