so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
