Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
