I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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