I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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