White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
