We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
