he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can't just leave with hair like that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
