took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
