apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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