So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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