I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
