i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
