i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach