pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Please, let me fuck your mom
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...