he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.