Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?