For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
