Ketchup is God's man juice
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
