I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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