dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
