New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As shirtless as possible
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
