Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
