walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
