Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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