i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
