I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
