we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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