Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
