Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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