ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
