Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
