brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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