Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
