She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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