I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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