Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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