I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
