My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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