your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
