Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
