someone owes me an orgasm
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
