I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
