I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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