my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
