You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
