totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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