So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
