I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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