I should be sponsored by Trojan
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
