Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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