you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
