Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
