I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
