2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
