I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
