The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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