i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
