apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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